Warren Zevon & Bonnie Raitt – Masters of the Small Kitchen Appliance Metaphor

I’ve always held that one can never have too many introspective pop songs that examine the deterioration of a dyadic, sexually charged relationship through the use of a figure of speech based on a small, motorized brand name kitchen appliance – the blender.

Take note that I am not employing wussy metaphorical references to or fuzzy connotations of “Blender Music.” Indeed, I am not resorting to “gender -blender music,” “blended music styles,” “Blender music magazine,” the various music sites with “Blender” in the title, or any such fudges.

Nope, I mean blender – as in that blender Uncle Foster and Aunt Thelma gave you as a wedding present, as in a blender with at least 19 settings, as in the kind of blender that produces margaritas, crushed ice, smoothies, pureed leeks, and flour from wheat berries,. We are talking heavy duty appliance. Moreover, we’re talking about one brand of one kind of appliance that has been immortalized in song – The Waring Blender.1

Warren Zevon – Poor Poor Pitiful Me

I have been taken with the second verse of Warren Zevon’s Poor Poor Pitiful Me since the first time I heard it:

Well, I met a man out in Hollywood.
Now, I ain’t namin’ names.
Well, he really worked me over good,
just like Jesse James.
Yes, he really worked me over good.
He was a credit to his gender.
He put me through some changes, Lord,
sorta like a Waring blender.2

 

 

Bonnie Raitt – Blender Blues

Not long after I came across Warren Zevon’s Poor Poor Pitiful Me, I discovered Bonnie Raitt performed a entire song likening herself to a blender.

Let me be your blender, baby
Don’t ya know I can whip, chop and puree
Won’t you let me be your blender, baby
Honey, I can whip, chop and puree
I’m gonna whip you to a jelly honey
I’m gonna chop it up today

 

 

Update: Blender Music Collection Addition: Everything Happens To Me By Matt Dennis + Leonard Cohen Blender Animation

Photo by Wicker Paradise

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1. Note: AllanShowalter.com has received no compensation of any sort from the good folks at Waring – although should they wish to show their appreciation, I would be loathe to hurt their feelings (yes, corporations have feelings, too) by rejecting such generosity. [↩]
2. The version offered here features a feminine perspective and pronouns of the corresponding gender because, while Warren did sing the lyrics himself, far more air time has been devoted to broadcasting covers of that tune by Terri Clark and other female singers. [↩]