As ongoing viewers may know, my Leonard Cohen site, Cohencentric, is closing soon. will close this Fall. This impending departure from the blogosphere has led to a hypothesis that could fundamentally alter knowledge theory and information science.
There apparently exists — steady yourselves — a universe, separate from but interlaced with our own, in which animate and inanimate objects reside and events take place even though no one blogs, tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks… about them.
Note: The vertigo you are now experiencing is the physiological analogue of your loss of intellectual equilibrium. This is a normal reaction. Sit quietly with your head between your own knees until the dizziness passes. If the disorientation persists more than an hour, contact a doctor; we recommend a Doctor of Philosophy (D.Phil) or a Doctor of Letters (D.Litt.), although a Doctor of Divinity (D.D.) may suffice in a pinch.
For example, no one, as far as I can determine, has ever posted about the area beneath the sofa in our living room on any internet platform. Now, this location was thoroughly cleaned less than a month ago. Yet, careful examination of that area today reveals a Roosevelt dime (2013, Denver mint), a life-saver (butter rum), a New Yorker subscription card, and two paper clips. I am thus forced to conclude that the movement of these items to their current location, if not their spontaneous generation there, occurred despite the lack of any cyber-documentation.
Who knows what else may have happened?
This discovery affects every element of human experience. Consider, for example, the gnostic implications. The Re-Revised CyberStandard translation of Hebrews 11:1 might well reflect this shift by modifying the King James version, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen,” to
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unposted
A comparison of schematic versions of the classical Platonic conception1 of knowledge and the revisions (marked with white boxes) necessary to bring it into compliance with these new findings is instructive.2
There Is One Iitty-Bitty Potential Problem
Clearly, a concept of this significance cannot be hidden (i.e., kept unposted), yet I am not unaware of the risk implicit in posting, in effect, about the set of all unposted objects and events. We are all cognizant3 that matter and antimatter (or parallel universes, for that matter) coming into contact necessarily leads to the destruction of both categories.
So, if I’ve messed up on this, and we all become, literally, a null set once I push the “Publish” button, … I am sincerely sorry for any inconvenience that the annihilation of mankind may cause.
- From Wikipedia [↩]
- While a discussion of the impact these changes would have on the world’s financial markets is beyond the scope of this post, the similarities in design of the models of knowledge and the MasterCharge card logo can hardly be coincidental. [↩]
- At least those of us who took 8th grade science with Mr. Maupin and/or assiduously perused Superman and Superman-affiliated comic books are cognizant. [↩]