“I believe that in a certain way, having children is the only activity that connects you to mankind” Leonard Cohen As A Father

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It’s Father’s Day and everybody’s wounded

 

Leonard Cohen

 

Those words from Leonard Cohen’s First We Take Manhattan aren’t likely to turn up on a Hallmark card. And, the Canadian singer-songwriter has consistently criticized his own record as a father:

I have never been a good civilian. my children like me. But the truth is that I tried to be a good father and husband, but I was not very good.1

On the other hand, he has just as consistently expressed his affection, admiration, and appreciation for his son, Adam, and his daughter, Lorca.

Cohen’s actions have evidenced his perspective on father hood. In the early 1980s, for example, he repeatedly traveled from his homes in Montreal, Los Angeles, and Hydra to live in a trailer he installed at the bottom of a path leading to the home in the south of France where Suzanne Elrod had moved with their children following their breakup.2

Similarly, when Adam, then 17 years old, was involved in a near fatal road accident, his father attended his bedside daily during his most helpless three months in hospital.3

Suzanne Elrod herself reported

I always felt married. Leonard is the most responsible human being imaginable. He’s always been there for the children.4

Perhaps most telling are Adam’s own observations about his father.

In the kitchen of my father’s Greek fisherman’s house on the island of Hydra, he would often read my sister Lorca and me stories or poetry at the table. … My mother, Suzanne Elrod, left my father shortly before the picture was taken. Lorca and I moved to the south of France with her but would spend Easter and summer with my father. It was a bitter divorce but he managed to remain in our lives through their cold war. As a father now, I recognize the gargantuan effort that he put in.5

It was particularly admirable, I think, the way in which he managed to keep in touch with us despite the … the domestic unrest, shall we say, the post-divorce antagonisms.6

Leonard Cohen On The Ultimate Significance Of Children

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Until you have children, until you really get stuck, it’s like dating for the junior prom. I believe that in a certain way, having children is the only activity that connects you to mankind and makes a serious assault on the ego((Leonard Cohen Obscured…A Haunting by Spector by Stephen Holden. Rolling Stone: January 26, 1978.))

 

Leonard Cohen

 

Leonard Cohen On Children Undermining Loneliness

Valerie Pringle’s 1997 CTV interview with Leonard Cohen includes a portion dealing with children and their effect on loneliness. The video is set to begin at the pertinent segment (4:38).

Leonard Cohen: Interview 1997

Leonard Cohen has consistently encouraged and abetted Adam’s own career as a singer-songwriter. Lorca, who long served as Leonard Cohen’s photographer and videographer as well as working in merchandising and other tasks on her father’s recent tours, lives in his Los Angeles duplex.

Leonard Cohen On The Blessings Received From Mature, Independent Children

This video opens with a discussion of Cohen’s fiscal woes following the loss of his retirement funds, which provides context for the description of his son’s response to the situation (at 1:30).

Leonard Cohen & Anjani Thomas at Først & sist, NRK, 2007, part 2 of 3
Video from kaarekjohnsen

And, Leonard Cohen certainly seems to enjoy being grandfather to Viva Katherine Wainwright Cohen (daughter of Lorca Cohen and Rufus Wainwright) and Cassius Cohen (Adam’s son, pictured below).

 

Leonard Cohen, Marianne, And Little Axel

Finally, one should not overlook the fact that Leonard Cohen, Marianne Ihlen, and Marianne’s son, Axel, were in every way a family. Cohen’s role as a father is described in this excerpt from Interview with Marianne Ihlen by Kari Hesthamar (Norway, 2005)7

INTERVIEWER: So how was Leonard as a father?

MARIANNE: Well, actually, he… I was terrified that Axel was going to disturb him, because he had to write. But what happened was that Axel would be lying prone on the floor drawing. And didn’t say a word. He was a nightmare with me. Then he would… uhuhuhu. You know what kids are like with mother. And so then Leonard would elegantly open the door into his tiny atelier, and say: ”Axel, I need your help.” And then it would be deadly silent in there for two hours. And little Axel drew and Leonard wrote. That’s how I experienced it. And little Axel was enormously proud. He called him Cohne.

 

2019 Update: Leonard sent the brilliant photo of himself reading to his children, Lorca & Adam (along with a kitten clutched by Adam) at their home in Hydra atop this post just before Father’s Day in 2016. It immediately became one of my favorite shots of Leonard and his children. Now, the fact that he took the time and effort to search out and forward this photo when he was already in pain and all but incapacitated by the illness that led to his death renders this image all the more poignant and moving.

I am republishing selected posts from my former Leonard Cohen site, Cohencentric, here on AllanShowalter.com (these posts can be found at Leonard Cohen). This entry was originally posted Jun 15, 2014 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric.

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  1. Magazine, Sunday Supplement to El Mundo, September 26, 2001 []
  2. I’m Your Man – The Life Of Leonard Cohen by Sylvie Simmons. Ecco: 2012. P 327 []
  3. CBC Music []
  4. A Poet’s Retreat By Steve Dougherty. People: March 25, 1996 []
  5. Flashback. Adam Cohen interview by Tim Burrows. Sunday Telegraph: May 12, 2012 []
  6. Adam Cohen: ‘I’ve found my own voice’ by Nick Duerden. Guardian: Oct 7, 2011 []
  7. LeonardCohenFiles []

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