The Duchess-Worthy Bloody Mary (Finally)

It’s been two years since I posted Stalking The Duchess-Worthy Bloody Mary (Hold The Octopus), in which I pledged to undertake the ultimate humanitarian task: creating a Bloody Mary that pleases The Duchess aka Penny Showalter aka Mrs DrHGuy. Thanks to the Covid-19 restrictions on our activities, I’ve finally reached this goal.

Over the years I’ve identified many of Penny’s preferred potables, such as her favored coffee (Kona) and edibles, such as her popcorn, and cracker of choice (Orville Redenbacher’s Natural Simply Salted and Triscuit Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil, respectively). Determining her desired Bloody Mary, however, is no simple matter. Testing recipes is itself complicated by the fact that The Duchess doesn’t often heft a highball. Her alcohol consumption rarely exceeds a drink or two a month. And given that the notion of intentionally imbibing tomato juice – even tomato juice ameliorated with vodka – is enough to make me take the pledge, I’m no help as a taster.

On the other hand, we do know a palate-pleasing Bloody Mary does exist. One benefit of our flight from Hurricane Florence was our fortuitous discovery, in Asheville, NC, of the best of this genre at Isa’s Bistro. And, our Very Maui Christmas was enhanced by a delectable, close second best of show Bloody Mary at the Lahaina Grill (which also serves a downright miraculous G&T). As one might imagine, journeys to Maui or Asheville are not always convenient or timely options. Thus the need for a version of this potable that can be constructed at home.

Pondering the garnishes alone, however, seemed overwhelming.

While the Bloody Mary versions described in quasi-official sources are conservative re embellishments, limiting garnishes to either a solo celery stalk or a celery stalk accompanied by a lime wedge, there may be no other cocktail that serves as host to so many adornments.

Nonetheless, it turns out that Leonard Cohen was right about that “voluptuous feeling of simplicity” thing. After experimentation, we discovered that a Duchess-Worthy Bloody Mary wasn’t so complicated. Here’s the recipe:

  • Throw a few ice cubes Into a tall glass
  • Add a jigger of vodka (we’re fans of Finlandia and Tito’s, but classier vodka brands would, no doubt, work just as well)
  • Add a tablespoon of Demitri’s Chipolte Bloody Mary Mix (an unsolicited endorsement)
  • Fill the glass with 1/2 Tomato Juice and 1/2 V8 Spicy Hot Vegetable Juice
  • Impale 3-6 Pepper Stuffed Olives on any handy stick (e.g., toothpicks, stainless steel/wood cocktail picks, skewers…) and insert this into the drink
  • Serve, consume, repeat…
  • Accept accolades with modesty

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